i recently read your novel i like the concept there are just few things that it seems to miss. i feel like it would be better if you establish the setting of the initial city details area, time, the technology is it modern day future. so that it give the reader s sense of the environment when it changes they can picture the city. also with the best friend flesh him out more before he dies so that the readers feel a little bad that he dies and have the mc not get over it in two paragraphs he was his best friend that he has known since he was a kid that has to leave a hole, also add worries from his family he is under stress he has been leeching off of his parents he should at least show some sign of worry. also i noticed when you introduced characters you didnt decribe them tell the hair color height build attractiveness paint the picture show them what you see your character as just have to do it one time for each significant character if they will go on in the story, filler characters like bandits etc dont really need it. its pretty much just working out details that helps people picture what is going on. also you should probably add a mana bar if you are going to deal with magic (healer) because if you dont have mana as the limiting factor for healers what would stop a group of people to switch to healer and tank jobs and not focus on dd jobs. so either add mana or just leave magic out all together. also why does the mc have to learn that cars dont work from the gun guy would =nt he have checked a abandoned car with keys in the ignition and tested it, make him a bit smarter or if a he his going to be dumb give him at least make it a bit likable. also would be good to describe how he felt after he killed the first wolf and started seeing icons seems like you made him get a power up after that so he should have had a feeling of feeling lighter or more powerful or maybe even tired because of the stress of all that hes seeing and hearing from the streets below.
i enjoyed reading it was just flaws in logic and depth that made it feel shallow. i feel like if you add to the details it will be a really great story.
I will rework this... I've been reading novels and trying to learn how they describe the story very neatly.. I was unsatisfied too with my work so i'm going to rewrite the details and put more depth and details to my novel. still same concept but more on details
Could you please tell us how long it will take you to post the renewed chapters. I refresh the page every day to look if there is a new post, but every time i'm disappointed.
Give him some time guys. The holidays are just now over and he is helping with a light novel translation and probably is working on top of writing this story. Just be thankful that he is sharing his writings with us readers to enjoy.
Hoping you keep up the old ones just as reference of first try, they're good content wise. I'm eager to see your second try.
ReplyDelete^ same
Deletethat's the plan.. what I wanna do is to add more depth to into it so that it's more fun to read.
Deletei recently read your novel i like the concept there are just few things that it seems to miss. i feel like it would be better if you establish the setting of the initial city details area, time, the technology is it modern day future. so that it give the reader s sense of the environment when it changes they can picture the city. also with the best friend flesh him out more before he dies so that the readers feel a little bad that he dies and have the mc not get over it in two paragraphs he was his best friend that he has known since he was a kid that has to leave a hole, also add worries from his family he is under stress he has been leeching off of his parents he should at least show some sign of worry. also i noticed when you introduced characters you didnt decribe them tell the hair color height build attractiveness paint the picture show them what you see your character as just have to do it one time for each significant character if they will go on in the story, filler characters like bandits etc dont really need it. its pretty much just working out details that helps people picture what is going on. also you should probably add a mana bar if you are going to deal with magic (healer) because if you dont have mana as the limiting factor for healers what would stop a group of people to switch to healer and tank jobs and not focus on dd jobs. so either add mana or just leave magic out all together. also why does the mc have to learn that cars dont work from the gun guy would =nt he have checked a abandoned car with keys in the ignition and tested it, make him a bit smarter or if a he his going to be dumb give him at least make it a bit likable. also would be good to describe how he felt after he killed the first wolf and started seeing icons seems like you made him get a power up after that so he should have had a feeling of feeling lighter or more powerful or maybe even tired because of the stress of all that hes seeing and hearing from the streets below.
ReplyDeletei enjoyed reading it was just flaws in logic and depth that made it feel shallow. i feel like if you add to the details it will be a really great story.
I will rework this... I've been reading novels and trying to learn how they describe the story very neatly.. I was unsatisfied too with my work so i'm going to rewrite the details and put more depth and details to my novel. still same concept but more on details
DeleteCould you please tell us how long it will take you to post the renewed chapters.
ReplyDeleteI refresh the page every day to look if there is a new post, but every time i'm disappointed.
I'm really sorry... probably after the holidays... I'm still trying to learn the 3rd person perspective..
DeleteNo need to be sorry.
DeleteIt's nice to know when there is the probability of a new post being uploaded.
Thx for the info and keep up the good work.;)
Will it take longer to upload something would be nice to know how long we still have to wait.
DeleteI'm starting to lose hope.
Give him some time guys. The holidays are just now over and he is helping with a light novel translation and probably is working on top of writing this story. Just be thankful that he is sharing his writings with us readers to enjoy.
Delete