I’m Clive Parker a College fresh grad and I’m unemployed
Yeah I’m unemployed.
These days it’s really hard to secure a good paying job even
though you have a degree
I can’t even get a job
It’s not like I get to complain, I really didn’t take my
studies seriously so this is what I get
While walking on the streets after I was done shopping I
received a text from Mark
By the way Mark is you could say my bestfriend I’ve known
him as far as I can remember
“Yo Clive! Drinks? Game night!”
I replied to his text
“Sure, If you’re buying. Im unemployed “
“Haha sure no problem with that, it’s not like I can get you
to buy anyways”
That day we were just hanging out by his place, drinking and
playing games when the world started changing and the unimaginable thing that
only happens in Sci-fi stories happened
We heard a noise, a sound of the window glass crashing
so Mark and I looked back to see what caused the noise
we saw a creature
inside his apartment that seemed to come from the window and was momentarily frozen shut while looking from the couch
“What the heck is that?”
Mark said on a whispering voice
“I don’t know. How the heck did that got here? were on the 20th floor “
I replied
whisperingly
We both cannot comprehend what was happening
It was a creature that I have never seen before
We were both terrified and I can see Mark’s legs shaking
I can’t blame him for being so afraid
Because that creature was really scary
If I were to describe the creature, It looked like a wolf
but the fur is color blue of some sort, his eyes were glowing red, has single horn in the middle of
its forehead and almost a size of a bear
After we looked onto its eyes, the wolf like creature began
to growl and then attacked us
“GRRRRRRRRRR”
It ran towards us and bit Mark in the neck and killed him
instantly
Mark was not able to react to the wolf's attack
It happened so fast that he was not even able to let out a word
Mark just died there instantly while bleeding out inside the wolf's mouth
Mark was not able to react to the wolf's attack
It happened so fast that he was not even able to let out a word
Mark just died there instantly while bleeding out inside the wolf's mouth
I looked at the scene shocked and was not able to comprehend
what happened
I couldn't move a muscle and was still processing what happened in my head
I couldn't move a muscle and was still processing what happened in my head
There was blood on the floor and on my face
My heart was beating fast and a cold feeling crept up towards my spine
My mind was blank and I don’t know what to do
I was really scared
After the wolf like creature was done with Mark
It changed its target and had its focus to me and jumped in to my directione
Luckily by chance I evaded the attack because I tripped and fell on my butt
I ran to kitchen while panicking
I was desperately searching for a weapon there and then I
was able to get my hands on to a knife
By the time I got a knife the wolf like creature is already
behind me preparing for its second attack and then before the wolf attack
begins I threw some knives and hit the
wolf’s eyes and body
“AAAAAaaaaaaaaah”
I shouted while throwing the knives
The wolf backed away and then the wolf growled again
“GROOOOAAAaaaaaaHHHHHHhh”
But it was a different kind of growl
It was different from the growls earlier
It was more loud and monster-ish
It was truly terrifying
Then the wolf began to attack again
I was so scared and tears start to well up in my eyes
“Am I dying here?”
Those were the thoughts that float inside my mind and then I
grabbed the last knife at the top of the kitchen table and tried to stab it
while my eyes were shut closed
“AAaaAAAAaaaaaaaah”
After doing some stabbing in a vertical motion
The place seemed to
have quieted down
I was sure that I’m hitting him but I don’t care because I’m
really scared
I opened my eyes slowly and then I saw the wolf laying down
and is being surrounded by a blue light while slowly vanishing
After the wolf disappeared a small window popped out in
front of me
“Congratulations!! You have been promoted into ‘ Novice’ ”
What?
a Novice? What the heck is happening? Why is there a window
in front of me?
I closed the window and after doing so I saw an Icon
floating on the top left side of my vision
It was a circular icon that has a person inside of it and beside
the Icon there is a red bar
I gently touched the Icon and a selection appeared
“Status”
“Skill”
“Equipment”
“Inventory”
“Party”
“Help”
“Settings”
It almost seemed like the game that I’ve played once before
It was so unreal so I
closed the selection immediately and run towards Mark to check him up as I drop
the knife from my hands hoping that somehow he still alive but when I got
there, there was no corpse or blood in there
There was no trace of the attack earlier except for the
broken glasses from the window and the things that fell down when the commotion was happening
I was so dazed at that moment so I went to the window and
observed what’s happening outside and saw people that are being chased by the
same creature that attacked us earlier
I was terrified
I remembered what happened earlier
Mark died and now everything’s so messed up, people down
there are dying one by one
I tucked myself almost like a curling position as I sat
beneath the broken window
I got my left hand cut
As I look closely to
my hands, the dripping blood was vaporizing as the blue light seemed like it
was burning the blood on my hands
My hand also healed as if nothing happened
“Amazing!”
I was astonished but at the same time I was scared
I was thinking what would happen next
Mark just died in front of me just like that
Everything can happen, now that everything became shitty
“I don’t want this, but I need to survive”
I whispered those word as I hug both of my legs while
trembling in fear
After a while my mind cleared up and I began to study the
options that appeared after I touched the icon
The options appeared
I first touched the “Status” bar and a window beside it
appeared
It says
“Name: Clive Level:
1
HP:150/150
Exp %: 10/100
Str: 15 Dmg: 15(+2) Class: Novice Pet:
None
Agi: 10 Def:
10(+1)
Int: 10 Luck:
2
Vit: 10 “
I am familiar with the stats system because I played a lot
of games back when I was still in college and now at home because of me getting rejected by
companies that I applied for after graduating.
I mumbled
“So your status are automatically allocated”
After that I selected skills
At the skills windows there where 3 tabs
“Active”
“Passive”
“Pet”
The pet tab is unclickable and the text is color gray
Maybe because I don’t have a pet yet
So I browsed the “Active” tab first and there was only a single
skill unlocked and the skill is called “Stab”
“Stab:+10 basic damage upon casting – CD: 2 secs”
I still don’t know how to activate it but I have a hint as
to how you can activate it
Well, based on my experience reading about stories similar
to what’s happening to me the skills may be voice activated
And next I checked on the “Passive” tab
Also at the “Passive” tab there is also a single skill
unlocked and it is called “Novice Strength”
It says
“+5 str when unlocked”
Various skills are still locked
Also the icon is the only thing that you can see if it’s
still locked
well I guess the name of the skill reveals when the skill
unlocks
After that I checked the “Equipment” bar
Similar to any MMORPG it’s just a window to view your
equipment
Equipped to me
“Black shirt”
“Jeans”
“Rubber Shoes”
After that I selected Inventory there was nothing inside my
inventory so I closed all the windows and readied myself to go out
I took the knife that I used earlier to kill the wolf like
creature that attacked us and after doing so I sat at the couch on the living
room and I talked to myself
“Oh F*ck, Why’s this happening, I guess I’m screwed “
It happened so fast it’s still hard to believe that my
bestfriend is already dead
I was just having fun with him earlier
Just an hour ago we were just Playing games and now he’s
dead
It’s so hard to
accept all that’s happened
It all happened in an instant
I opened a bottle of beer and chug it all in one go
I light a cigarette as I turned off the lights in his
apartment and the light in the hall way is casting my shadow inside the room
“So long buddy, this might be harsh but I’m not gonna meet
you anytime soon”
After saying that I closed the door and headed outside of
the building
This is nice, let me try to make it into manga on later time
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteOh.. that would be nice.. I'd like to see pictures of the characters.
DeleteIt will be nice if the writer, have prepared the chara-de beforehand
DeleteHere's some advice because I think you have a really good plot.
ReplyDeleteChange the main character's name. If you're gonna kill off a friend of the main character don't make it his best friend who's also his childhood friend. The main character should also be younger than 20 so that the readers can relate.
And you should narrate the story third-person wise.
And lastly, learn better english
oo i like your points my friend, i totally agree with you now that i think about it
DeleteThank you very much... I am open to criticism... so don't worry about criticizing my work :D
Deletejust one thing... Im confused with the "Third-person" part because I based the writing with Shielbro which uses naofumi as the narrator... I don't know if there's a difference between a light novel and a novel with regards to the writing technique.
DeleteI meant that instead of writing and then I etc etc , you should write and then Clive grabbed a knife. You should really go in detail and in depth when you write about the characters seeing as how this is a psychological manga, and you cant do that if you only write about what Clive knows. So instead of writing I grabbed a knife and screamed etc, you should write Clive desperatly ran to the kitchen, his heart was beating like crazy, he had never been that terrified in his life! but then again a wolf has never ripped the throat out of his best friend before.
DeleteHe reached the kitchen and started looking for the meat cutting knives but little did he know the wolf was closing in on him from behind.
When he turned around he saw the wolf preparing to leap! There was no time to hesitate, As the wolf flew in the air towards him, Clive just started swinging the knife in the air with his eyes closed. You could see all the emotions in Clives distorted face as memories of his best friend started to resurface. Anger, Pain... Sadness. Clive had felt the knife hit the wolf many times but he really didn´t care at the time, his best friend occupied both his heart and mind. So when Clive looked down he was kind of surprised the Wolf was dead with stab wounds all over it. He slumped down on his knees nd broke out in tears.
I see.. I got the idea... with what you said... I can still add some monologues... naruhodo...
DeleteDude you are translating shield hero novel, you have the perfect source of info right there. Look at how the author wrote the novel ^^ keep up the good work, i'm looking forward to reading the rest of ur novel
DeleteI also think so, and I think you need to put more emphasis on the gravity of the situation, his despair to the current situation is too short which makes the reader think that the current situation might not be that grave.
Deletei did enjoy the novel however theres some spots which didnt sound like an actual novel, i know this is the early stage of your project, but its better to be safe than sorry
ReplyDeleteespecially this part, i think it sounded a bit odd
Luckily by chance I evaded the attack because I tripped and fell on my butt
I ran to kitchen
I was desperately searching for a weapon there and then I was able to get my hands on to a knife
By the time I got a knife the wolf like creature is already behind me preparing for its second attack and then before the wolf attack begins I threw some knives and hit the wolf’s eyes and body
“AAAAAaaaaaaaaah”
I shouted while throwing the knives
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deletecan you check out my novel? atarashiiseikai.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteim already addicted keep it up
ReplyDelete"It ran towards us and bit Mark in the neck and killed him instantly." You could go a little more into this. I'm still reading btw. But did Mark even have time to react? Was he frozen with fear? Was his head still attatched could you hear the bones five way in the neck? Just little things that add and help us paint the story you want to share with us. But just my opinion.
ReplyDelete-roger
not sure bout the bone but, since it's First person, i believe telling that mark is frozen in fear is not really that well, and Clive is in panic btw
DeleteFinished reading l. Overall good start and interesting. I look forward to reading ch2.
ReplyDeletethank you... I will work hard.. :D
DeleteHis real life just became a game? I like this concept. Since this is obviously a rough draft type situation I won't comment on any of that I'll just say, keep it up. It takes guts to put yourself out there, I say this as a fellow amateur writer. Good luck.
ReplyDeletethnx.. but I would appreciate it more if you could criticize me :D haha
DeletePlot: Nothing original, to be sure, but nothing's original anymore, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteSetting: Same as above, love.
Writing style:
Forget beige prose, this is clear as glass.
Did you pull this out your ass?
I don't mean to be crass but the style's not there.
Clive's thoughts and narration are thinner than air.
He needs depths in his words, in his mental descriptions.
For all I'm getting are rather bland depictions.
Oh yeah, punctuate the ends of your sentences.